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Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians

2
00:00:09,451 --> 00:00:12,410
 Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
Woeful Wars, ferocious Fights

3
00:00:12,421 --> 00:00:15,060
 Dingy castles, daring knights
Horrors that defy description

4
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 Cut-throat Celts Awful Egyptians

5
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 Vicious Vikings, cruel crime
Punishment from ancient times

6
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 Roman, rotten, rank and ruthless
Cavemen savage, fierce and toothless

7
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 Groovy Greeks, reigning
sages Mean and measly Middle Ages

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 Gory stories We do that

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 And your host a talking rat

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 The past is no longer a mystery

11
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Welcome to Horrible Histories. 

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Viking warriors, tomorrow, as
the sun rises, we set sail for England!

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ALL: Yes!

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We must be bold, we must be terrifying!

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We have our axes.

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We have our daggers.

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We have our swords, but now
we have a new weapon at our disposal.

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- Make-up.
- What!

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Do this, my brothers...

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and you shall strike fear
into our enemies' hearts.

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ALL: YES!

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Let's go and kill some monks.

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Olaf, good work, you look truly bloodcurdling,

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Sven, my old friend, excellent,
you will chill the enemy to their bones.

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Bjorn, that's what I call really scary.

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Eric...

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It's the nose, isn't it? A bit much?

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No, it's, really terrifying.

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Let's get us some monasteries!

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It's true though, those rough,
tough Viking warriors liked to wear

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eye make-up, neatly trim their beards and have

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a good wash every Saturday night.

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When they invaded Britain, they loved to pick on

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easy targets, like poor, defenceless monks.

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Do you know, Vikings were basically
just great big girls, yeah?

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But don't tell them I said that!

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Whoa! Stop! Whoa, what's going on?

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We were minding our own business,
they came out the blue with axes.

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ALL TALK AT ONCE

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Da, da, da, da, da! One at a time
please! You, is what he said true?

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I asked you to stop for a second
while we sort this out, please.

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I was just... He...

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Thank you, now what are you
doing here? This is Lindisfarne,

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we're a monastery, we're peaceful people.

45
00:02:55,461 --> 00:02:57,020
Well, I hadn't

46
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really thought about it before.
Why did we sail here from Scandinavia?

47
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Maybe it's because there's not enough food,

48
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there's a shortage of herring where we're from.

49
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We needed more land,
my dad's left all of his land

50
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- to my older brother, which isn't fair.
- But it is a bit crowded.

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Well, we do need more space to live.

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Plus we've got a new Viking king now,

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and he's such a bully. As are our wives.

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It seems to me like you
don't know why you're here,

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why don't you just go home
and we'll say no more about it.

56
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No, I've just remembered what it
is, it's because killing is really fun

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and taking stuff from monks is very easy.

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- That's it.
- Yeah, yeah, it was, it's mainly that, that was it.

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Right, well...

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as long as we're clear on that...

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carry on.

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You're watching HH TV Sports
bringing you exclusive live

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sporting events from the past.

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Today, it's football, but not as you know it.

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Time to go over live to the 1500s
to join our commentator, pit side.

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Hello and welcome to Tudor England,

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where the big sport of the common
man is an early form of football.

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I'm here with Alan, captain
of the Roxbridge Village team,

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who's here to tell me a
little bit more about the sport.

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Alan, I understand it's a
very important match here today?

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Yes, Gary, the whole village has turned out.

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Great to see so much support for the team.

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Support? No, everyone plays for
the team, the whole village is playing,

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it's our village versus the neighbouring village.

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I see, and what's the score?

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Oh, it's still 0-0, but
we did come close to a goal.

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- Really, how close exactly?
- About two and a half miles.

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Two and a half miles?

79
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We play between two villages and the winning team

80
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gets the ball to the opposing village.

81
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I don't... Argh! And...and this is your ball?

82
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- Yeah, it's made of pig's bladder.
- It looks like a pig...

83
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Argh! Now... I... That... Wait.
.. That, that... That is inexcusable.

84
00:05:01,423 --> 00:05:04,582
- Where is the referee?
- There's no referee, there's no rules.

85
00:05:04,593 --> 00:05:07,352
Oh, that does explain the black eye,

86
00:05:07,362 --> 00:05:10,561
the broken finger and what
appears to be a bitten ear.

87
00:05:10,572 --> 00:05:13,091
Yeah, well, it's just a gentle game today, Gary.

88
00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:16,059
Last game, I dislocated my arm and broke my jaw.

89
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Would it be possible to have a word
with the captain of the opposition?

90
00:05:19,159 --> 00:05:23,998
- Go ahead.
- Thank you. So, how's the game going from your point of view?

91
00:05:24,015 --> 00:05:25,894
Hi, Gary. Yeah, pretty good.

92
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I think it'll be a long one.
.. Could go on for hours.

93
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- Some of the lads will end up flat on their backs.
- Exhausted?

94
00:05:33,645 --> 00:05:37,324
No, dead. It's how brutal the game can be.
Want to be on our side?

95
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:40,376
I'll certainly give it a go.

96
00:05:40,387 --> 00:05:42,347
Um... Oh! Oh!

97
00:05:44,721 --> 00:05:48,120
Yep, still got it, back to the studio.

98
00:05:48,132 --> 00:05:52,931
Henry VIII needed lots of
young fit men for the English army.

99
00:05:52,947 --> 00:05:57,666
So many people were getting injured
playing Tudor football, in 1540

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Henry made it illegal.

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00:05:59,488 --> 00:06:04,048
There really were some
unusual laws in Tudor times.

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- Give me your purse.
- Oh! - Give me your purse!

103
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- Take it, take it!
- Lovely, hold on, hold on. Right...

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00:06:11,727 --> 00:06:14,646
There's your change and
I'll just write you a receipt.

105
00:06:14,656 --> 00:06:17,415
- Excuse me?
- I only wanted 11p, so I gave you the rest

106
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and I'll write you a little piece of paper.

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That just saves any confusion,
should it come to court.

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00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:24,321
Um, I'm still a little confused.

109
00:06:24,327 --> 00:06:26,486
Well, you see, if you steal 11 pence or less they

110
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chuck you in prison, but if you steal

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12 pence or more then they sentence you to death.

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- Oh, I see!
- So I'll just write you this receipt.

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Not going to sign it, for obvious reasons.

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OK, there you go, have a nice day.

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That's the most pleasant mugging

116
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- I've ever had.
- Oh, well, we take pride in our work.

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In fact, here's a penny for your trouble.

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Oh, well, thank you very
much, that's very kind of you.

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This makes 12 pence, if I'm caught...

120
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It looks like somebody's for the chop.

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Oh, no, this is a tip.

122
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- Oh, ho, it's a tip, is it?
- Yes.

123
00:06:57,192 --> 00:07:00,151
- Oh, that's right...so you weren't mugging her?
- No, I was.

124
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I'm going to chop your head off.

125
00:07:01,766 --> 00:07:03,286
Oh, have mercy Sir.

126
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Us ancient Egyptians used a clever
writing system called hieroglyphics,

127
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but it was not an easy system
to learn, check this out.

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 Settle down class Now you've passed

129
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 Your grade one pyramid selling

130
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 Yeah, the time has come for me to drum

131
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 Some facts into you about spelling

132
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 Oh, it seems to me your ABC

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 Skills are less than terrific

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So buck up, boys As we master the joys

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 Of the lovely hieroglyphic, woo!

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 Everyone needs their ABC

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 It's as simple as vulture, foot, basket

138
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 You know how to sing doh, ray, me

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 Easy to spell It's hand, eye, thingy, owl

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 ABC, vulture, foot, basket

141
00:07:52,288 --> 00:07:53,367
 Doh, ray me

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 Hand, eye, thingy, owl

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00:07:59,471 --> 00:08:01,910
 You'll pass with ease and find it's a breeze

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 The rules are scientific

145
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 Don't have to be smart all you do is start

146
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 With simple phonetic glyphics

147
00:08:08,700 --> 00:08:13,100
 Next you get to learn as a
set more things called logographic

148
00:08:13,957 --> 00:08:17,316
 Finally, third, the
form of a word determinatives

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Horrific!

150
00:08:18,371 --> 00:08:21,290
 Everyone needs their flamingo, house, sun

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 It's simple, but sun can mean duck, everyone

152
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 You all know how to write your name

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Except for me, Tutan Nephertiti Khamun!

154
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-  Flamingo, house, sun
- Means duck to some

155
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-  Tutan Nephertiti Khamun
- Let's just leave that one

156
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 If you find it hard Don't be afraid

157
00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:42,559
 To go and ask your mummy for aid

158
00:08:42,568 --> 00:08:44,927
 Now, it's time for a spelling bee

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That's not how you spell bee see me!

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00:08:47,464 --> 00:08:49,943
Foot, reed, reed... Easy!

161
00:08:49,952 --> 00:08:54,551
 Cat, pig, dog, rat, duck,
frog Make your spelling magnific

162
00:08:54,566 --> 00:08:56,885
 You can go up and down,
left and right and around

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 The punctuation in hieroglyphic

164
00:09:00,786 --> 00:09:02,025
 A B C D E F G

165
00:09:02,030 --> 00:09:04,389
 Just 700 characters or so

166
00:09:04,398 --> 00:09:06,637
 Now that's done, let's have fun

167
00:09:06,645 --> 00:09:09,284
 With numbers, here we go

168
00:09:09,293 --> 00:09:11,572
 Everyone needs their 123

169
00:09:11,581 --> 00:09:14,300
 It's as simple as eye, eye, eye, eye

170
00:09:14,309 --> 00:09:19,108
 You can all count to 99...
 Easy to write it's hoop, hoop, hoop

171
00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:25,964
Hoop, hoop, hoop, eye, eye, eye,
eye, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye.

172
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-  123
- Eye, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye

173
00:09:29,478 --> 00:09:31,517
-  99
- Hoop, hoop, hoop, hoop, hoop,

174
00:09:31,524 --> 00:09:36,124
Hoop, eye, eye, eye, eye, eye,
eye, eye, eye, eye, eye... Basket?

175
00:09:55,079 --> 00:10:00,919
The answer is B, they cut
off and counted the right hands.

176
00:10:05,392 --> 00:10:08,271
One of the worst battles
in the Second World War was the

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00:10:08,281 --> 00:10:12,640
one the Russians and the Germans
had over the city of Stalingrad, here.

178
00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:14,534
It lasted for seven months and

179
00:10:14,541 --> 00:10:17,500
in the cruel Russian winter,
the Germans soon ran out of supplies

180
00:10:17,511 --> 00:10:21,630
and had to improvise,
in the most gruesome of ways.

181
00:10:21,644 --> 00:10:23,924
Oh, ha, ha.

182
00:10:25,978 --> 00:10:27,257
Greetings, Herr Soldier.

183
00:10:27,262 --> 00:10:31,221
Greetings, Herr Stodman.
I'm here about a few supplies,

184
00:10:31,235 --> 00:10:34,114
some new boots, a jacket and some food.

185
00:10:34,124 --> 00:10:36,203
Excellent. Well, I shall take ze whole lot.

186
00:10:36,210 --> 00:10:38,289
No, zat is what I want from you.

187
00:10:38,297 --> 00:10:39,497
What?

188
00:10:41,467 --> 00:10:44,506
You are joking, right? We have been fighting

189
00:10:44,517 --> 00:10:48,276
here in Russia for six months now,
we have run out of all our supplies.

190
00:10:48,289 --> 00:10:50,728
But I need new things, my boots,

191
00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:53,856
zey have so many holes in them,
I don't feel like I'm wearing any.

192
00:10:53,867 --> 00:10:56,227
Well, you are not wearing any.

193
00:10:58,161 --> 00:11:00,200
Oh, well, zat would explain it.

194
00:11:00,207 --> 00:11:04,246
- Is there nothing that you can give me?
- Well, I think you're in luck.

195
00:11:04,260 --> 00:11:07,819
I got these boots in this morning,
good quality too, they're Russian.

196
00:11:07,831 --> 00:11:10,950
- How do you know zey are Russian?
- Er...

197
00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:13,080
There was a Russian in them.

198
00:11:13,088 --> 00:11:16,607
- I cannot wear those!
- Of course you can, you just put

199
00:11:16,619 --> 00:11:19,938
them in ze oven for ten minutes
and ze legs will pop right out.

200
00:11:19,950 --> 00:11:22,309
I'm not going to wear a dead man's boots.

201
00:11:22,318 --> 00:11:24,557
Is there nothing else you have, a jacket?

202
00:11:24,565 --> 00:11:27,004
I am so cold I have goose
pimples on my goose pimples.

203
00:11:27,013 --> 00:11:29,452
Argh, I have just the thing.

204
00:11:29,460 --> 00:11:31,619
We managed to get this in from Berlin.

205
00:11:31,627 --> 00:11:34,106
- Oh, perfect.
- Ah...

206
00:11:34,115 --> 00:11:38,514
Oh, zat is better, oh... And
it is not off a dead man, right?

207
00:11:38,529 --> 00:11:40,329
No, it is from a dead woman.

208
00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:44,239
Brrrrr! What about food, do you have any food?

209
00:11:44,248 --> 00:11:45,298
Ah, well,

210
00:11:45,973 --> 00:11:53,053
only tis rather suspiciously named
meat paste, I got it in from Germany.

211
00:11:53,077 --> 00:11:56,575
- What's it like?
- Well, ze impression I got from Lieutenant Gotlieb was,

212
00:11:56,587 --> 00:11:58,207
it's not very good for you.

213
00:11:58,312 --> 00:12:01,592
- Who's Lieutenant Gotlieb?
- Er, zis fellow over here.

214
00:12:05,656 --> 00:12:08,455
Zat is exactly what Gotlieb
did, except from both ends.

215
00:12:08,465 --> 00:12:13,504
All you have is inedible food,
a dead man's boots, a dead woman's

216
00:12:13,521 --> 00:12:17,720
coat? Is there nothing
you have that is any use to me?

217
00:12:17,734 --> 00:12:20,413
Well, as our 10,000th customer,

218
00:12:20,423 --> 00:12:25,662
you have just won, an all-expenses-paid fortnight

219
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:27,440
on the beaches of Brazil.

220
00:12:28,328 --> 00:12:31,648
- Oh, really.
- No. Raus!

221
00:12:32,121 --> 00:12:34,739
Can I not work here with you?

222
00:12:34,749 --> 00:12:36,789
No, I'm afraid it is just me and Gotlieb.

223
00:12:39,965 --> 00:12:42,165
- Auf wiedersehen.
- Look at it.

224
00:12:43,015 --> 00:12:47,734
For the Germans, the Battle of
Stalingrad was a tactical disaster.

225
00:12:47,750 --> 00:12:50,549
Mind you, some of the Russian
tactics during World War Two

226
00:12:50,559 --> 00:12:52,719
didn't go that well either.

227
00:12:56,297 --> 00:12:59,496
The Second World War's Russian anti-tank device.

228
00:12:59,508 --> 00:13:03,027
The penniless Russians needed
a cheap way to destroy the unbeatable

229
00:13:03,039 --> 00:13:06,198
German tanks, so they invented...

230
00:13:06,209 --> 00:13:08,008
Dog bombs.

231
00:13:08,015 --> 00:13:11,174
Yes, dogs were trained to run underneath tanks

232
00:13:11,185 --> 00:13:15,024
with bombs strapped to their backs.

233
00:13:15,037 --> 00:13:16,716
The Russians sent their brilliant

234
00:13:16,722 --> 00:13:22,521
new doggy weapon into battle
but there was one small problem.

235
00:13:22,541 --> 00:13:26,540
The dogs had been trained
to run under Russian tanks.

236
00:13:26,554 --> 00:13:29,513
Nyet! There, doggy, stay...sit.

237
00:13:29,523 --> 00:13:33,082
So they ran under the Russian tanks.

238
00:13:33,095 --> 00:13:34,495
Bad doggy.

239
00:13:35,984 --> 00:13:39,184
Oh, well, back to drawing board.

240
00:13:46,096 --> 00:13:48,895
Hi, I'm a shouty Georgian woman,

241
00:13:48,905 --> 00:13:51,584
and I'm here to tell you about the very latest

242
00:13:51,594 --> 00:13:55,554
in Georgian mobile communication
technology, the fan.

243
00:13:55,767 --> 00:13:59,307
Each little gesture with the fan
send out a totally different message,

244
00:13:59,319 --> 00:14:00,617
and it's so simple to use,

245
00:14:00,623 --> 00:14:03,443
and your parents won't have
a clue what you're messaging.

246
00:14:03,632 --> 00:14:07,471
Send thousands of messages
a day, and there's no bill to pay,

247
00:14:07,484 --> 00:14:09,163
everybody should have one.

248
00:14:09,170 --> 00:14:12,689
- Except you, because you're a bloke.
- Yeah, terribly sorry.

249
00:14:12,701 --> 00:14:17,340
It's also handy for wafting
away foul smells, phewee.

250
00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:19,075
Yeah, terribly sorry.

251
00:14:19,081 --> 00:14:22,520
So don't delay, buy your Georgian fan today.

252
00:14:22,532 --> 00:14:24,371
'Warning, too much fan flattering

253
00:14:24,378 --> 00:14:26,497
can seriously damage a lady's wrist.'

254
00:14:26,505 --> 00:14:27,665
Ow.

255
00:14:28,632 --> 00:14:30,631
Are you quite well, daughter?

256
00:14:30,638 --> 00:14:33,078
Oh, most well, father.

257
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:35,769
Good day, Mr Willis.

258
00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:37,695
Good day, Mr Andrews.

259
00:14:48,978 --> 00:14:54,696
Surprisingly warm weather
for the time of year, Mr Willis.

260
00:14:54,715 --> 00:14:56,635
Er, indeed, Mr Andrews.

261
00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:01,972
Yes!

262
00:15:01,978 --> 00:15:04,738
Yes, this is my favourite composer.

263
00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:09,840
Whooo!

264
00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:15,570
It's the latest dance
from London town, Mr Willis.

265
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,502
I see, Mr Andrews.

266
00:15:19,314 --> 00:15:21,113
- Soon.
- Sorry?

267
00:15:21,119 --> 00:15:23,878
Spoon. I need a spoon.

268
00:15:23,888 --> 00:15:25,968
Strange boy.

269
00:15:30,991 --> 00:15:34,270
Sir, there is a most pressing question

270
00:15:34,281 --> 00:15:36,321
I would like to ask your daughter.

271
00:15:46,922 --> 00:15:50,122
HE CRIES

272
00:15:51,536 --> 00:15:54,296
Strange, strange boy.

273
00:16:02,250 --> 00:16:06,009
We Georgian ladies may
have had some funny customs,

274
00:16:06,022 --> 00:16:10,702
but let me assure you, Georgian
gentleman were just as silly.

275
00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:22,537
Hiya, fashion fans, and welcome
to another Historical Fashion Fix.

276
00:16:22,555 --> 00:16:27,234
This week it's all about
wigs, stockings and makeup,

277
00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:28,729
you've guessed it,

278
00:16:28,735 --> 00:16:31,574
this week we're going to
be making over a Georgian man,

279
00:16:31,584 --> 00:16:34,783
- so let's meet him now. Hi, Daniel.
- Sorry?

280
00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:37,513
Let's see if we can't
work some Fashion Fix magic,

281
00:16:37,523 --> 00:16:42,123
- and turn you into an authentic Georgian aristocrat.
- All right.

282
00:16:44,184 --> 00:16:46,383
Let's sort out that skin.

283
00:16:46,391 --> 00:16:49,510
- He's looking pretty pale.
- I haven't eaten in a week.

284
00:16:49,521 --> 00:16:51,920
But he could do with being a lot paler,

285
00:16:51,929 --> 00:16:54,888
so I've stuck some leeches on his arm.

286
00:16:54,898 --> 00:16:58,057
But he's still not pale
enough for a Georgian aristocrat,

287
00:16:58,069 --> 00:17:01,828
so to make Daniel even whiter,
you could use chalk dust,

288
00:17:01,841 --> 00:17:06,240
but I prefer to use highly toxic lead paint.

289
00:17:06,255 --> 00:17:11,415
Just add some lipstick and blusher,
and let's see the difference.

290
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:17,479
There, much more manly. Do you like it, Daniel?

291
00:17:17,490 --> 00:17:19,609
Course he does, he loves it.

292
00:17:19,617 --> 00:17:22,816
Now, let's do something
about those awful clothes.

293
00:17:22,827 --> 00:17:26,267
Well, at least I can't look any more ridiculous.

294
00:17:28,325 --> 00:17:30,164
I stand corrected.

295
00:17:30,171 --> 00:17:32,330
Every bit the Georgian gent,

296
00:17:32,338 --> 00:17:37,177
and that padding really accentuates
Daniel's lovely calves.

297
00:17:37,193 --> 00:17:38,392
What you doing?

298
00:17:38,397 --> 00:17:41,956
Just time for the finishing touches, the wig.

299
00:17:41,969 --> 00:17:48,088
The wig is held in place using
powder made from flour, starch, nutmeg,

300
00:17:48,108 --> 00:17:50,068
and, of course, gold dust.

301
00:17:52,803 --> 00:17:57,322
There. Looking good, but
there's one thing missing.

302
00:17:57,338 --> 00:18:02,657
No Georgian gent is complete
without some lice in his wig.

303
00:18:02,675 --> 00:18:06,514
- How do you like your look, Daniel?
- I look like a poodle on a cushion.

304
00:18:06,527 --> 00:18:08,766
Some people just can't wear good clothes.

305
00:18:08,774 --> 00:18:12,213
You have given me nothing for
this programme, absolutely nothing.

306
00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:14,784
That's it this week from Fashion Fix,

307
00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:18,192
join me next time, when I'll
be teaching a stone age caveman

308
00:18:18,204 --> 00:18:22,163
that it's better to wear
some clothes for once. See you.

309
00:18:22,177 --> 00:18:27,136
Posh Georgian men who dressed
up like that were known as Macaronis.

310
00:18:27,153 --> 00:18:28,352
Not sure why,

311
00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:32,316
presumably because they looked
better covered in cheese. Ha-ha-ha!

312
00:18:32,329 --> 00:18:36,409
Mind you, I think everything
looks better covered in cheese.

313
00:18:44,287 --> 00:18:46,646
 Stupid deaths, stupid deaths

314
00:18:46,655 --> 00:18:48,814
 They're funny cos they're true

315
00:18:48,822 --> 00:18:51,581
 Woo Stupid deaths, stupid deaths

316
00:18:51,591 --> 00:18:54,870
 Hope next time it's not you He-he. 

317
00:18:54,881 --> 00:18:57,041
Oh! Next!

318
00:18:58,774 --> 00:19:00,213
And you are?

319
00:19:00,218 --> 00:19:02,738
Sir Arthur Aston, English army officer.

320
00:19:04,151 --> 00:19:09,350
Yeah, yeah, course you are, whatever.
Come on, entertain me.

321
00:19:09,367 --> 00:19:11,326
Well, I was showing off on my horse

322
00:19:11,334 --> 00:19:14,893
- for the benefit of some lovely young ladies.
- Hmm, and?

323
00:19:14,905 --> 00:19:17,984
Well, I fell off the horse, I broke my leg,

324
00:19:17,995 --> 00:19:21,474
it turned septic, so I had to have it amputated.

325
00:19:21,486 --> 00:19:24,525
- And you bled to death?
- Oh, no, no, no, I was fine.

326
00:19:24,536 --> 00:19:29,255
- Oh, shame.
- You see, I was given this rather wonderful wooden leg,

327
00:19:29,271 --> 00:19:32,150
and I was able to return to the army,

328
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:36,439
and soon I found myself in a battle,
against Oliver Cromwell's army.

329
00:19:36,454 --> 00:19:37,893
Oh, good. How did it go?

330
00:19:37,898 --> 00:19:43,857
Not brilliantly, I was captured
and, well, I was beaten to death.

331
00:19:43,877 --> 00:19:46,076
With my own wooden leg.

332
00:19:46,084 --> 00:19:49,244
HE LAUGHS

333
00:19:51,261 --> 00:19:52,700
With your own wood...

334
00:19:52,706 --> 00:19:56,145
Oh, that's hilarious!

335
00:19:56,157 --> 00:19:58,476
I bet you were hopping mad!

336
00:19:58,484 --> 00:19:59,534
Hopping!

337
00:20:00,531 --> 00:20:02,690
You're very insensitive, you know that?

338
00:20:02,697 --> 00:20:07,456
It's a yes from me, Arthur,
you're through to the afterlife.

339
00:20:07,473 --> 00:20:09,392
Oh, thank you, thank you.

340
00:20:09,399 --> 00:20:12,998
Hop along now. Hop along!

341
00:20:13,010 --> 00:20:14,609
Very insensitive.

342
00:20:14,615 --> 00:20:20,374
Oh, dear. You know, I love my
job sometimes, I do, I really do.

343
00:20:20,394 --> 00:20:21,713
Next!

344
00:20:21,718 --> 00:20:23,877
 Stupid deaths, stupid deaths

345
00:20:23,885 --> 00:20:27,204
 Hope next time it's not you Hoo-hoo! 

346
00:20:27,216 --> 00:20:32,135
We Stuarts believed that after
the Battle of Edgehill in 1642,

347
00:20:32,151 --> 00:20:34,270
the ghosts of the soldiers who died

348
00:20:34,278 --> 00:20:37,437
could be seen acting out
the battle again and again.

349
00:20:37,448 --> 00:20:41,328
Whoo, and here's another scary story.

350
00:20:46,597 --> 00:20:48,676
Greetings, fright fans.

351
00:20:48,684 --> 00:20:53,083
I am Vincenzo Laughoff,
and this week's scary story

352
00:20:53,098 --> 00:20:58,578
is a ghostly tale from Stuart
times, The Terror Of Tedworth.

353
00:21:00,522 --> 00:21:03,921
It was the year 1662.

354
00:21:03,933 --> 00:21:06,372
A magistrate named John Mompesson

355
00:21:06,381 --> 00:21:08,900
was visiting the town of Tedworth in Wiltshire,

356
00:21:08,909 --> 00:21:13,148
where he was disturbed by a local
busker repeatedly banging on a drum.

357
00:21:13,162 --> 00:21:16,441
DRUM BANGS

358
00:21:16,453 --> 00:21:18,572
Quiet, we're recording.

359
00:21:18,579 --> 00:21:21,218
The magistrate checked the man's license to busk,

360
00:21:21,228 --> 00:21:23,627
and, finding it to be
a forgery, threw him in jail,

361
00:21:23,636 --> 00:21:28,115
and confiscated his drum,
a decision he would come to regret.

362
00:21:28,130 --> 00:21:29,409
DRUM DONGS

363
00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:32,053
Dong indeed. After the
busker was freed from jail,

364
00:21:32,062 --> 00:21:34,301
he simply disappeared,

365
00:21:34,310 --> 00:21:37,029
and it soon became clear
that he must have perished,

366
00:21:37,038 --> 00:21:40,637
because his ghost started
to haunt the mean magistrate.

367
00:21:40,650 --> 00:21:42,049
GHOST WHOOS

368
00:21:42,054 --> 00:21:44,613
Oh, no, it was much more
than a mere "Whoo, whoo."

369
00:21:44,623 --> 00:21:48,182
The spirit of the dead busker
plagued the magistrate's house.

370
00:21:48,194 --> 00:21:51,273
At first, his drum began to bang itself.

371
00:21:51,284 --> 00:21:54,243
Then doors would open and shut on their own,

372
00:21:54,253 --> 00:21:57,332
unseen creatures would gnaw at the walls.

373
00:21:57,343 --> 00:22:00,382
Coins would turn black inside pockets,

374
00:22:00,393 --> 00:22:04,112
and red, staring eyes
would appear in the darkness.

375
00:22:04,125 --> 00:22:06,684
Had the busker's soul come back from the dead

376
00:22:06,693 --> 00:22:09,772
to wreak his revenge on the meddling magistrate?

377
00:22:09,783 --> 00:22:13,942
Was his ghost destined to forever
haunt the horror-filled house?

378
00:22:13,956 --> 00:22:17,915
No, he was alive and well,
and living in Gloucester.

379
00:22:17,929 --> 00:22:20,168
What?

380
00:22:20,176 --> 00:22:22,895
I thought he was dead!

381
00:22:22,905 --> 00:22:25,544
Ah! You see, the drummer wasn't dead at all,

382
00:22:25,553 --> 00:22:27,672
he was found in Gloucester,

383
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,719
where he was arrested for stealing a pig?

384
00:22:30,730 --> 00:22:35,169
There was no ghost at
all? What is this, Scooby-Doo?

385
00:22:35,184 --> 00:22:38,863
You can't have a ghost story
where there's no ghost, right?

386
00:22:38,876 --> 00:22:42,235
All that stuff about a drum banging
itself, was that just made up?

387
00:22:42,246 --> 00:22:44,525
All this does, it just makes me look silly.

388
00:22:44,534 --> 00:22:47,533
I didn't spend two weeks
at drama school's summer camp

389
00:22:47,543 --> 00:22:49,582
to end up doing this sort of rubbish.

390
00:22:49,590 --> 00:22:51,110
Unbelievable.

391
00:22:57,896 --> 00:23:02,015
One of our most famous Roman
generals was called Julius Caesar,

392
00:23:02,029 --> 00:23:07,308
he went all the way to the top,
but what goes up, must come down.

393
00:23:07,326 --> 00:23:10,885
Don't miss this week's
News Of The Empire exclusive,

394
00:23:10,898 --> 00:23:12,617
it's our Caesar special.

395
00:23:12,623 --> 00:23:16,022
He defeated the Gauls
in France, and invaded Britain.

396
00:23:16,034 --> 00:23:18,833
I came, I saw, I conquered, I...

397
00:23:18,843 --> 00:23:23,202
oh, oh, oh ..I caught a
cold, the weather was terrible,

398
00:23:23,217 --> 00:23:25,496
so I came home again. Atchoo!

399
00:23:25,504 --> 00:23:29,743
Now, Rome's greatest general
has gone from hero to zero,

400
00:23:29,758 --> 00:23:31,997
yes, JC's reputation is in meltdown,

401
00:23:32,005 --> 00:23:34,964
because he started going
out with the Queen of Egypt.

402
00:23:34,975 --> 00:23:38,254
Has Cleopatra really stolen his heart?

403
00:23:38,265 --> 00:23:41,024
So what if she has? My wife won't mind.

404
00:23:41,034 --> 00:23:43,593
We reveal the truth behind the rumours.

405
00:23:43,602 --> 00:23:45,801
Has Cleo really had Caesar's baby?

406
00:23:45,809 --> 00:23:49,288
Well, here's a clue, he's called Caesarean.

407
00:23:49,300 --> 00:23:51,499
He has got my nose, I suppose.

408
00:23:51,507 --> 00:23:52,866
BABY CRIES

409
00:23:52,872 --> 00:23:57,671
- Oh, there, there, it's not that big.
- All right!

410
00:23:57,687 --> 00:23:59,846
Plus, it's a fashion faux pas,

411
00:23:59,854 --> 00:24:03,133
as Caesar is spotted wearing these red boots,

412
00:24:03,144 --> 00:24:04,983
just like the last King of Rome.

413
00:24:04,990 --> 00:24:08,789
We ask, is Caesar getting
too big for his own boots?

414
00:24:08,802 --> 00:24:13,001
I just like the colour. It doesn't
mean to say I want to be King. What?

415
00:24:13,016 --> 00:24:16,255
OK, so I have declared myself
dictator for life, but...

416
00:24:16,266 --> 00:24:18,945
And exclusive, the knives are out for Caesar.

417
00:24:18,955 --> 00:24:21,354
In our assassination pull-out special,

418
00:24:21,362 --> 00:24:24,881
we list the Senators plotting
to stab him in the back.

419
00:24:24,894 --> 00:24:28,093
- Wait a minute, who wants to kill me?
- Find out tomorrow.

420
00:24:28,104 --> 00:24:30,383
No, no, no, seriously, who wants to kill me?

421
00:24:30,391 --> 00:24:34,710
Only in this week's News Of
The Empire, a cracking good read,

422
00:24:34,725 --> 00:24:36,884
although it is all in Latin.

423
00:24:36,892 --> 00:24:40,371
It's true, Caesar started
wearing red leather boots,

424
00:24:40,383 --> 00:24:42,702
just like the ancient Roman Kings,

425
00:24:42,711 --> 00:24:45,270
and they were hated by the people of Rome.

426
00:24:45,279 --> 00:24:49,358
The last one, Tarquinius
Superbus, had been so evil,

427
00:24:49,372 --> 00:24:52,131
they got rid of kings altogether.

428
00:24:52,141 --> 00:24:57,100
Hey! Good name though, Superbus. Rattus Superbus.

429
00:24:57,117 --> 00:24:58,996
I rather like that, suits me.

430
00:24:59,003 --> 00:25:03,442
Anyway, Caesar really put
his foot in it, and ended up, well,

431
00:25:03,457 --> 00:25:05,417
getting assassinated.

432
00:25:09,797 --> 00:25:13,196
Hello, and welcome to another Crimewatch BC.

433
00:25:13,208 --> 00:25:15,287
Now, we start this week with a murder,

434
00:25:15,295 --> 00:25:18,974
which took place right
in the centre of ancient Rome.

435
00:25:18,986 --> 00:25:23,625
The victim was this man, Julius
Caesar, a soldier and politician,

436
00:25:23,641 --> 00:25:26,880
who was recently made dictator of Rome for life.

437
00:25:26,892 --> 00:25:31,291
It seems Mr Caesar may have
known he was a possible target.

438
00:25:31,306 --> 00:25:34,225
On the morning that my
husband, Caesar was murdered,

439
00:25:34,235 --> 00:25:36,674
I had warned him not to go to the Senate.

440
00:25:36,683 --> 00:25:40,082
All the omens were bad, they were really bad.

441
00:25:40,094 --> 00:25:43,453
Don't go, Caesar! I don't want you to go.
A few weeks ago,

442
00:25:43,464 --> 00:25:47,103
a bird flew into the Senate
house with a laurel leaf in its beak.

443
00:25:47,116 --> 00:25:50,435
- So what?
- Well, it's a warning.

444
00:25:50,447 --> 00:25:53,366
What, a warning that it
might poo on someone's head?

445
00:25:53,376 --> 00:25:56,535
No, it's a warning that
someone's going to get killed,

446
00:25:56,546 --> 00:25:59,465
someone wearing a crown
of laurel leaves on their head.

447
00:25:59,475 --> 00:26:02,434
What? That is just superstitious nonsense.

448
00:26:02,445 --> 00:26:06,044
I've got a feeling something
really bad's going to happen.

449
00:26:06,056 --> 00:26:08,575
Oh, yeah, maybe you're right,

450
00:26:08,584 --> 00:26:12,343
maybe something really, really
bad is going to happen, yes.

451
00:26:12,357 --> 00:26:13,996
Oh, look, SMASH

452
00:26:14,002 --> 00:26:16,962
it just did. Brilliant. See you later.

453
00:26:18,015 --> 00:26:22,614
Caesar ignored the bad omens,
and went to the Senate House anyway.

454
00:26:22,629 --> 00:26:27,069
He was murdered there in broad
daylight on the 15th of March.

455
00:26:27,084 --> 00:26:30,762
- Take that, Caesar!
- Ow, that's me you're stabbing!

456
00:26:30,775 --> 00:26:32,934
Well, I don't know, all I can see is togas!

457
00:26:32,942 --> 00:26:35,781
- Ow, you did it again.
- Sorry!

458
00:26:35,791 --> 00:26:40,870
I have with me in the studio,
a man who saw the whole thing happen.

459
00:26:40,888 --> 00:26:44,447
So, why do you think so
many people stabbed Caesar?

460
00:26:44,459 --> 00:26:48,338
I think the murderers thought
it would be everyone's responsibility,

461
00:26:48,351 --> 00:26:51,710
we'd all be in it together.
Sorry, they'd all be in it together.

462
00:26:51,722 --> 00:26:53,921
Any idea why THEY did it?

463
00:26:53,929 --> 00:26:58,128
I'm told they thought Caesar had
too much power and wanted to be a King,

464
00:26:58,143 --> 00:27:00,262
so Caesar had to die!

465
00:27:00,269 --> 00:27:03,228
Well, that's what some people thought, anyway.

466
00:27:03,239 --> 00:27:05,838
Oh, must remember to do the washing up.

467
00:27:05,847 --> 00:27:10,086
Also with me in the studio
is the man leading the hunt

468
00:27:10,101 --> 00:27:13,220
for Caesar's murderers, Senator Mark Antony.

469
00:27:13,231 --> 00:27:15,870
Now, Senator, what do
we know about the murderers?

470
00:27:15,879 --> 00:27:20,598
Well, Kirsty, one thing
we do know is their identities.

471
00:27:20,614 --> 00:27:24,013
There's Casca and Cimber.
Then there's the ringleaders,

472
00:27:24,025 --> 00:27:25,624
Brutus and Cassius.

473
00:27:25,630 --> 00:27:28,309
So, you know who did it, what next?

474
00:27:28,319 --> 00:27:30,918
Well, we'd very much like to speak to them,

475
00:27:30,927 --> 00:27:34,686
just a little chat to see if
they can assist us in our enquiries.

476
00:27:34,699 --> 00:27:38,018
- Really?
- No, we want to kill them and burn down their houses,

477
00:27:38,030 --> 00:27:41,629
but I don't want to say that in
public, just in case they run away.

478
00:27:41,641 --> 00:27:43,520
See ya!

479
00:27:43,527 --> 00:27:45,526
Me and my big mouth.

480
00:27:45,534 --> 00:27:47,493
I should probably run after him.

481
00:27:47,500 --> 00:27:49,020
Go.

482
00:27:54,380 --> 00:27:57,099
Want to travel through the time sewers with me?

483
00:27:57,100 --> 00:27:59,899
Then play Horrible Histories terrible treasures.

484
00:27:59,900 --> 00:28:03,979
Go to the CBBC website,
and click on Horrible Histories.

485
00:28:03,980 --> 00:28:07,020
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk

486
00:28:07,070 --> 00:28:11,620
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